Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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