Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize