I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize