Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
