Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
