i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
