mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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