You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
