just tell him i said nine months
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
