worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize