I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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