Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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