brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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