im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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