your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
