so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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