i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
