if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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