Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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