you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
