We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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