I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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