If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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