i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
