even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
