When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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