i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
