my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
