1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
