So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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