tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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