Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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