go do what you do best...puke behind churches
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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