I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
