I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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