Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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