You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
