Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just gargled with NyQuil
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
