strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize