if you like me you must not know who I am
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
