This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
