i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize