In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
