plz talk dirty to me
Umm I'm too high to move.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
