he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
