If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
