i just had sex bonerless
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize