please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
