Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
