i already hear my dad disowning me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
