You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
