just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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