I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
