so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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