I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
