Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize