2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Who died my cat blue again?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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