how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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