Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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