Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
His nipple licking is glorious
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
