Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
