I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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