I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
