hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
