I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
