i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize