If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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