Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
