I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
