My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
