Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
