Yo dont text me then not text me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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