she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
