Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
