Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
