Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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