I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
