they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
