I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
