I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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