So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
