I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this boner is exhausting
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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