i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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