wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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