dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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