it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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