hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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