Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
