Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
