Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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