my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
